instagram pinterest linkedin facebook twitter goodreads facebook circle twitter circle linkedin circle instagram circle goodreads circle pinterest circle

Daily News

About Booking the Commercial

I have to say, I didn't expect to get it. I first auditioned for a commercial through Milwaukee Talent Network (MTN) - oh gosh, was it last October? Joe came with me, and it was for Potawatomie Casino, and I said after, that was the most fun audiion I ever had in my life. Oh yes, it was like the day after I went to a Monday Night Packer game. So my hair was a wreck. But anyway. I didn't get the role, which would have paid really good. But about a month later I got an email from MTN asking me to audition again. But this time, they put me through a series of 'takes' where I had to instantly react to what they told me to do. They signed me on that day.

 

I do have to say that I've rehearsed for this my whole life. I have a resume of theater and film - mostly theater -- that's four pages long, and that's just from post-high school work. So acting is something I've just always loved to do. Be somebody else for a change. My mom always told me I was too emotive but it comes in handy on the stage. 

 

But I took a job shortly after that and didn't get any calls to audition for anything. I thought they forgot about me. Shortly after the lock down I got my first auditon. I rehearsed and rehearsed - but they wanted it filmed with a phone camera and I didn't have a phone camera tripod so I had to prop it where I could. I just forgot one tiny detail - they said location of my filming was as important as I was because it was going to be a lockdown commercial for US Cellular, talking about how important it is to stay connected. So no, I didn't get it.

 

I took a class about how to auditon, anad one of the things they said was that we should edit our audition so that we don't have that awkward start and stop, where we have to press the button, you know? And I thought, hey, I'm an actor, not a film editor! 

 

But then came the day - and no one knows this part - when I had to drive to Milwaukee, around mid-April - to rehearse to be in a movie being filmed there. Now I've done film and we always rehearsed the same day we filmed. This guy wanted me there just to rehearse, in a park, open air. Well, I got there an hour early because I figured I better find a bathroom first, since I wasn't sure what to expect. I knew they wouldn't be open in the park. Now Milwaukee is the virus hot spot in the state, so of course I was nervous about this in the first place. But I went to three different service stations, and not one had a bathroom open. I went back to the park, now a half-hour early hoping that we could just rehearse quick so I could leave because there's a rest stop on the way home. He wanted to meet me and all. I got the text that he was going to be a half hour late. That meant waiting an hour without a bathroom and then rehearsing and then driving back to the rest stop. Well, the was enough for me. I texted back that I couldn't wait and had to leave, and he should just recast the part. I guess he did because I didn't hear back after that day. 

 

Anyway, when I got home, I filmed the scene I had to rehearse, in the clothes I wanted him to see, and I sat down and I edited it. Yes, and it wasn't too hard! But he never asked to see it.

 

So now I was ready. I'd ordered a cell phone mount for my tripod and I knew how to edit. I waited for my next chance.

 

I first saw the audiiton announcement on Actors in Wisconsin, to send two photos and a resume. It also said that if I had an agent I should send the audition through them. Well, I wasn't sure my agent saw the posting so I went ahead and sent the photos and resume. Not even a half hour later I got an email from the agency telling me to send them an audition tape!

 

I got a little confused and told them what I did. They said that's okay, as long as I'm agented I can just send the audition tape. They sent a short blurb about the role and instructions. So I got to work. I read about the character and felt she was me. She loves biking, has a granddaughter, and has health issues. I can do that. I rehearsed what they wanted me to say like five times, and finally I got a video I thought was perfect. Then I edited it. Then I noticed how crappy my hair was. And I apologized to my agent when I sent it to him.

 

Then I got an email from the casting director asking me for my audition based on my photos and resume! Oh, no, I was sure I'd blown it! They're going to be so mad. I emailed him back, copied in my agent, and apologized. And then I just sat back and waited to be rejected.

 

First I was told I made first cut - which means I'm the first one they'll look at. And then the agent said they wanted a full length photo. So I sent two. And then i got the booking!

 

I'm going to come back and add to this after the filming. I am going to be holding my breath between now and June 9th, hoping nothing goes wrong.

Be the first to comment

Feeling on the Cusp of Things

You know how that goes. Every once in a great while a few nice things coincide to make you feel you're getting places, making the right decisions.

 

On May 17, my 45th wedding anniversary, my husband reluctantly allowed me to drag him to view a condo for sale in Green Bay. We also have relatives there, so we treated them to lunch first, with as much social distancing as possible in horrible weather. I realized at home that night that, though it had everything we wanted, it just wasn't big enough and wouldn't allow for Joe's massive plants that he's so proud of. He'd have to give up gardening both outside and in.

 

I made a deal with him the next day. Allow me to take a train trip to ABQ, or Seattle, this year, and I will give up trying to find a place in Green Bay, until the day when he cannot do his share of work around the house anymore. I also told him he has to get the phone numbers of some neighbors to call when I'm on the road, just in case. Or I will immediately put the house up for sale.

 

Now, only two days after that (I'll skip over the May 18 fun but that was a great day), I got an email from a city councilman, wanting me to apply to be on one of the city committees. Even though, yes, their need is great, I was honored to be asked. Only the week before I'd responded to his request to get letters sent opposing a new charter school in the area. I got that done quickly, and I think that made him think of me.

 

I had been complaining to Joe that I couldn't find myself in Beloit. I didn't feel I belonged here. And though he's on a city committe himself, he did not suggest this for me.

 

I told him that the move to Green Bay meant I would have to give up a lot, too, but at least we'd be where we belong. One of the thing I'd have to give up is all the films and commercials I apply for. My talent agency would probably drop me. So the same day that I got that request to apply for a committee position, I was told that I was "first call" for the commercial I applied for through my agency last week. I felt I'd done the best auditon ever for that good-paying role, but I was stunned to see I'm actually in the running for it!

 

Problem - they need me available June 8th. Yeah. Joe's next infusion in Madison date. Sigh. So I immediately went online to find a car to rent for the day. I won't be able to make it to Milwaukee until 9:30 or so, but I'm hoping that'll work out. Fingers crossed! They said they'd let me know more on 5/22. Until then, I'm going to believe that I'm the best they can find in that role.

 

It feels, like, okay, I'll resign myself to being here, and suddenly, things start to happen. I also joined the new Beloit Democrats, and made phone calls last week. Where this will all lead will depend on me, and all I need is the right attittude, like the one I had, full of hope, in 2018.

Be the first to comment

Update on Projects during Quarantine

I want to give myself a tally of the projects I'm working on and felt this the best place to do it, since I know no one reads me here, so I can be self-indulgent, right? And yeah, I'm talking to you anyway, since I hope all you non-existent people out there will be my readers someday.

 

Anyway, since leaving work on March 24th I've had what I've longed for - uninterrupted time, no longer wracked with guilt about finding a job, free to work all day every day on these projects that have lingered in the dark for too long. Here's the list of current projects:

 

My Vampire Trilogy - still marketing Journal of an Undead: Love Stories. Though formerly published as Adventures in Death & Romance, I'm finding no interest, even from those who take formerly published works. I finished a great new edit of Journal of an Undead: Climax where I had to decide on Arabus's final fate and I think it concludes in the best way possible. It needs, I think, one more edit and then I'll have to self-publish, if I realize I have killed my chances for an undead publisher.

 

Pensaukee: Voice of a Landscape. I started research on this in my undergrad degree, and got the Arndt Sawmill site on the National Register in 2006 as part of the Arndt Team. But the project has languished ever since. Imagine trying to find all my resources now! It's an on-ongoing challenge to pull this together, and I recently decided to remove all footnotes and opt instead for references to sources within the text and the full bibliography at the end. I've seen others do this, and except for querying the state historical press, I'll just put this up on Amazon myself. Somehow I have to get it under 150,000 words first. It starts with just the American Indians on the land, and takes us through European conquest, up until 1950 and how the area gradually polluted. Truly is the voice of a landscape, and I hope it gets attention past local consumers. Taking out footnotes also reduces the book's length.

 

Movie scripts. I did two very good - I hope - edits of Journal from the Grave and Bighorn Deceit. I also renamed Skin Changers to POS Amerika or The Rio Grande River Wall War.  Problem with my editing is that with each edit I think I've got it perfect. And then a couple months later I go back and see all kinds of errors. Truly hate that. But I have now invested money in all three of these edits, so will report if they start getting any attention. Next up is my low budget horror comedy.

 

From Lincoln To Trump: I began researching and writing my pivotal look at the Republican Party, starting with Lincoln, in October, and have now completed second edit. I pulled some of this from my published nonfiction, but there is a lot of material here that didn't make that book, which ends with a look at Teddy Roosevelt. Here, seeing through an objective look at their accomplishments, with an intense focus on why the violence happened in the 1960s, we get a clear view of how this political evolution happened. Of course I am anti-Trump, and I cannot hide that, but there's plenty of factual material here for even a skeptic on my subjectivity to pick up on. There's no fake news here. I expect to get this published on Amazon because no publisher could take it on and get it out by October - and getting it out after the November election would be a bit anti-climatic. Because I don't see how Trump can possibly win again. With any luck I'll have it out before the end of July.

 

Dinner at Marshall Field's: This is an edit I'm vey proud of. I'm going through each chapter two to three times. Before the read-aloud final edit of each chapter, I ask myself, now what is the reason that this chapter exists? By asking myself that, I am approaching each chapter as though a mini-story in itself. I'm going to try querying a few agents with the first couple of chapters. I also removed a ridiculous gimmick that I thought would help it sell, indicating that I didn't think much of myself as a writer. I thank Malavika Jagannathan for giving me her copy of "The Paris Wife," which is also in first person, set in a similar time period, for inspiring in me a more poetic tone to the piece.

 

Copper Resource Manuals: Because I opted to get out of my godaddy website, which also cancelled my email account from which I sent my newsletters, I've put the newsletters as they were away and am now focused on sending out copper tips here on its own page. I've yet to create a mailing list at Yahoo to let my subscribers know, and I'm not sure that many of them would care, but what I really need to focus on is getting the first copper resource manual done. Wisconsin, of course, will be first, and again I'll try the Wisconsin history press to see if they're interested. But if not, I will publish these myself. This is the ultimate culmination of the work that first started over a decade ago. I applied for a grant from Iowa to continue research in that state this summer - but with the virus, traveling might be what keeps me from getting it.

 

Movie Making: For a while, I was happy to have three roles in different local movies. One was simply a phone in, so I finally taped an audio and sent it in. I have yet to hear if it's acceptable. The second was a role created for me by Robb Chase, in Madison, very appreciative of his support. He's so far had only online rehearsals. The third is a role I didn't think I was suited for, but he fought to get me to take it. But he started having in-person rehearsals in Milwaukee, which made me uncomfortable. So I told him he better find someone else. He asked me to hang in there, in case he can't find someone else. It's an intriguing role of a madam, and godmother of a killer, so I told him to just let me know. I'm also working on editing my own documentary now. I did a good job editing a short video, but trying to combine two videos didn't go well. Everything was going great until a part of it went black and I have no idea why. I'll see what happens there today.

 

Lots of miscellaneous to work on. I'm trying to pull on my success in writing for Muse and younger kids, plus I have several short works I think are worth putting out there. Watch for my Muse announcement. They're supposed to let me know how to tell others how to get copies. I wish wish wish they werea available at newstands. A goal of my life, sitll unfulfilled, is to be found on the shelf in Barnes and Nobel.

 

 

 

 

Be the first to comment

How a Pagan views Disease

This will be hard to write.

 

I am eying Sweden's disease experiment with great interest. Could they be right? If you let the disease run its course, will there be no mutation? No second wave?

 

Are we doing the wrong thing with lockdown?

 

I think we're doing the only thing that today's sane people can do -- put lives over money. 

 

But will this come back to haunt us? Will this prove to be the wrong move?

 

I think about how ancient cultures let the weaker of society die when food was short.

 

I also think about the 90% death of the Native American Indians when Europeans first arrived, because they had no immunity to their diseases.

 

I think about how much worse many of us thought this could be if we don't take precautions. Yes, we don't want to overwhelm our hospitals. But how do we know it can't get much worse later?

 

I'm not saying my right to go shopping or get a haircut or have wine in public is more important than your mother's heatlh. Not at all. It's not about shopping. It's not about how many people are unemployed and can't afford food. It's not even about how we might run out of food if we don't start up the economy again.

 

But in a way, it is. If we don't die one way, we'll die another way.

 

One thing I know for sure. If Trump says it, it's wrong. Trump's motives are always self-serving. There's no doubt in my mind about that.

 

But we've seen cities as being those places were more people will die than anywhere else. And that's the Democratic base. That's why Trump let this virus loose.

 

So remember this, and know that no matter what we do to fight this virus -- we might be right, we might be wrong. The only right thing is going to be to stop Trump. Stop the GOP. 

 

So protect yourself, protect your family, protect your vote. That might be all we have left. And it might not be enough.

Be the first to comment

THE NEW NORMAL

Lots of people speculate on what life will be like the remainder of this year and going forward. A second wave of the virus is predicted to hit and will be worse than the first if we're not careful. Here's what I suggest can be the new normal – now, and maybe for years to come.

 

Haven't you ever wondered how stores, especially the smaller ones, can survive when they open and no one comes in? What about restaurants? Staff sitting around with nothing to do. I worked at a tax office this past spring, one that closed up during lockdown and only serviced the taxes by mail, and that's when I got let go. But before that, we had to take care of a couple thousand people who were having their taxes done. Once the preparer was finished, they would come in AT THEIR CONVENIENCE to sign and pay for the service. We never knew when to expect them so sometimes we had nothing to do and sometimes the wait area would be full.

 

CONVENIENCE seems to be the cornerstone of our retail industry. But I suggest that is what needs to change if we are to get business up and running again. Of course the world doesn't run on just retail but a lot of office workers like the new normal of working from home. I'm sure that will gradually change. But so many people are employed in the non-essential businesses, and that's what I'm talking about here. Restaurants, clothing stores, department stores, even liquor stores and state parks and gyms. All can set up a system based on one word.

 

APPOINTMENT.

 

I don't think this is a hard word to understand. You want a fancy dinner out, you make a reservation. Why not do that all the time? You want your hair cut, you make an appointment. Everything you want to purchase can be done either online or by appointment.

 

Recently I went to the carpeting store. I didn't know they were open but took a chance and called. I was willing to make an appointment to go in and see carpeting styles. It's very hard to pick something out online. He didn't have anyone there and allowed me to take samples home. I could easily have made an appointment to do this.

 

Making an appointment for everything takes away the spontaneity, of course. Of course. That's exactly how we need to move forward from this virus.

 

Just how would this work? I suspect that the state would indicate how many customers you can safely have in your store for the square feet of that store. Once that's determined, you block out one hour shopping times for the max number you can have at any one time. The person calls for the time, or books online, and pays $10 for their time. If they buy something that $10 is applied to what they purchase. This will eliminate loitering. You will get dedicated shoppers. If you wanted to, you could give them a gift certificate – if you're out of their size, for instance.

 

You could even say that people have to book a day in advance. That way, if you have a day where no one is coming in, you could be closed – paying your staff half pay for the day off, of course.

 

Now a store like Anthropologie wouldn't be able to accommodate as many as a store like Target, but it seems to me an hour block is reasonable at both places.

 

Except for fast foods, ALL dine-in restaurants would make reservations and allow a certain number per hour, the same way. This would spread out your patrons, so you're not overwhelmed – and you're also not open when no one is there.

 

As long as the virus is out there, every patron MUST wear a mask. I still see people walking around in stores without them. Apparently there is no rule against letting them in.

 

Honestly, I don't see a downside to this idea. If the system works as well as I think it would, it could remain in place long after the virus is gone.

 

What do you think? Do you see any downside to this, other than the lack of convenience and desire just to browse? I can't think of any. People will grumble at first, of course, since societal change can be difficult. But we'd get used to it, and it's a lot better than not going anywhere at all.

 

Be the first to comment

Copper Newsletter Due 1st of May

(You can add your email on the copper tab and I think that does something. Let me know.)

 

I am just putting up a little newsletter here every month of some new discoveries. I tried but was unable to figure out how to create an email list at either of my email sites, yahoo or gmail. If anyone knows how, hand me a few steps, eh?

 

But I'll tell you, I'm pulling my hair out lately, trying to go through resources to work on for the resource manuals. I keep running into ones I've already used, or they don't have anything or what they have is confusing - I'm no archaeologist, after all. And I have to be careful not to tred on any toes with my silly ideas, right.

 

Breathe, just breathe.

 

Hey, if only I wasn't onto something in my undergraduate work in the late 1990s that gave me this cocky idea that I might have some good instincts for this work. If only I didn't ... then maybe I wouldn't be here drowning in 78,000 artifacts trying to figure out how to make this collection available for use.

 

The biggest thing I fear? Museums will start trying to grab from each other. Please! That's not the purpose here. 

 

Well, keep an eye out for the first of May. I won't be able to share photos online, though. Not like I used to with my newsletter.

 

And don't forget to go to the links page and download the Wittry Updated Typology.

Be the first to comment

Earth Day V. Pandemic

I am horrified to see that i've gone over a week without a blog! I guess I'm getting lazy. Actually, this stay at home thing is good for a writer, we can get more done. But it seems the more I get done the more I have to do. I just started working on all my Bonanza short stories, updating them becuase Bonanza still remains the best thing that ever happened to me. But my growing disillusionment with blogging is what I hear from others - no one reads them. Thinking of it as journaling instead, with a bit of a bite.

 

I am also getting the final draft done on my new book, now called "From Lincoln to Trump: The Grand Old Party Attitude." Hoping to get it under 90,000 words. If I don't find a publisher by June, I will go ahead on my own. Again.

 

But let's talk about Earth Day. How hard it is to be environmentally correct today. You can't bring your re-usable bags to the grocery store. You can't fill up your water bottle anywhere. I haven't checked, but I'll bet you cannot buy those gallon jugs and refill them, either.

 

So what can we do? Well, on Saturday I did something I swore I'd never do. Pick up other people's litter. Ugh! I had my husband make me one of those stabbing sticks, you know, with a nail on the end? But he made it with a screw instead. Goal was to jam it down on the item and twist and voila!  Well, that worked a few times, and then I lost my voila. It was easier just to pick the stuff up by hand. Yes, I had gloves, and a mask, and my water bottle clipped to my pants, that I had to then keep pulling up. I had only a couple small grocery bags with me. They have handles and I thought that was handy so I could tie the bag shut when it was full. Well, I had to have my husband come and pick up the first bag - and his poking stick - and bring me another bag. It was a walk of about 7500 steps and I filled three bags and had to leave some stuff because I just had no more room! And oh, my acthing back. But this morning, that road sure did look nice! I could almost see it smiling at me.

 

I've got these steel tumblers that I wanted to be able to use when we go to places like Culver's for soda, but they didn't come with covers - straws, but no covers. So I walked to the gas station today to see if those throw-away covers would fit. I could always re-use them, right? But it turns out I'd need a smaller size than they had. And they don't have their soda machines working, either! Sometimes I think we're taking this too far.  Now I gotta figure out how to find a cover to fit my steel tumbler.

 

Look, I know it's hard, not buying water bottles right now. But they really are bad for you, and the environment. If you can find any other solution, go for it. When we first moved into this house, we installed a water filtration faucet just for our drinking. We had one at our old house, too. It's sooooo worth it! But if I go for a bike ride, I won't find any place to refill it. So I will have to make that one fill-up last. I'll put that to the test, hopefully, on Wednesday, when I bike ride to the post office. I'm entering Civil War & Bloody Peace into yet another competition. 

 

And hey, I know gas is cheap right now. Who'da thunk? But don't give into temptationi and buy a gas guzzler car, because you know what goes down will go up, right? I think I'll start using premium, it might increase my hybrid's MPG.

 

Happy Earth Day! And no, the Earth did not give us this virus. We did this ourselves. This is a pollution issues, and an abuse of animals issue. Never blame the Earth. Hell no, she doesn't love us. She doesn't even tolerate us, half the time. But she's all we got.

Be the first to comment

Understanding the REAL in CWBP

I watched a video about how to make a book marketing video, offered through Author's Guild. Before I get into the project, though, it's important to make sure you know what you want the book video to do. The following is what I've come up with to film. I hope it makes sense.


In the case of Civil War & Bloody Peace: Following Orders, what I want is for people to understand what the book is really about. Here's what I have on the back cover. I'd like to take this apart and share what's really in those words.


"This is the story of a soldier, but it's also the story of a country." How I envisioned this is that, by following orders, we would see why the orders where given, why Henry was sent where he was, so we can understand why things happened the way they did. And I think I accomplished that in several areas – related to the draft, to the Little Bighorn, and to Wounded Knee, among others. Most of the time, however, you will find yourself walking along with him, seeing what he saw.


"In this pivotal look at our nation's history, Following Orders uncovers the attitudes of those who gave the orders." Pivotal is an important word. It means turning history on its ear. It makes taking you where no one else has before. And the word "attitude" got me in trouble while writing my master's thesis. But unless you know why something happened, you won't understand how we can change the future.


"Lincoln, Grant, Sherman, Sheridan, Custer, and more. Find out what they were really like as you explore U.S. History starting in the Civil War, through political reconstruction of our country and into the "Wild West" of the Indian wars." The focus is more on Grant than anyone else, because of his role in all of Henry's orders, first as general and then as president. Reconstruction is less the focus, but more as how it affected the post-war years. Henry does spend a few years in Kentucky, however, protecting blacks from the KKK so they can vote for Grant.


"The focus is on the people who lived this history in a way you were never taught in school." That's an important line to me. I hated history in high school, and from what I understand, history is still being taught in the most boring way – learn your facts, kids. No, they need to learn about the people. They need to learn the why. That's why I suggest using this book in high school. I believe that, when we know the truth about our history, we not only learn to forgive, but we face the future with the understanding that our attitude really does matter.


"This is an attempt to get at the real and objective truth of military orders between 1862 and 1884, and beyond, by following a regular army private's orders during those years he served, more than any other non-comm in history found in this research." Real and Objective Truth. I had no bias in writing this. I went everywhere he served and dug into primary records. That's how I was able to find details no other historian has shared. I didn't seek to expound my viewpoint. I wanted only to show what happened.


"You will be walking through the real records of history, with the people who made the US what it is today." You'll hear other lesser names, too, but people who are just as important to our history.


"Who Henry was is not important. What he learned made all the difference." What do I mean by this? Henry came from Germany. In the late 1800s a writer named Karl May wrote about American Indian cultures in a very pro-positive spirit. But Germans overall were kinder to the Indians because of their own tribal past. I was able to demonstrate what Henry meant by "we didn't try hard to catch the Indians. We could see they were good people." 


Why did I have to self-publish? Believe me, I didn't want to. But trade publishers said try university presses and university presses said try trade publishers. Some said too broad while others said too narrow. Still others said I didn't analyze enough. But I think the history speaks for itself. I knew that, after all that work, that I had to get it out there and hoped only that it would attract readers who wanted something different in their historical diet.

 

I hope that's you.


End with website link and "watch for her new book," Republican WarMongers: a study in political attitude," coming soon.

 

WOULD LOVE YOUR OPINION - with clips and photos, would this make a good book video?

Be the first to comment

A Thing Called Hope

Seems the longer I'm home and secluded, the less I have to write about here. Isn't it true, though, that the best thoughts are of connecting to others?

 

I am working on a movie script and plan to invest money to get it out there. It's a satire that I'd love for Seth Rogan and James Franco to do, but I don't know how to get it to them, so I'm going to use Inktips, instead of IMDBPro, which hasn't been fruitful. At least I make some contacts at Inktips. Ask me about it if you want to know more.

 

This morning Joe told me (he watches early news) that California's doctors or someone there has come up with a test to find out who has the antibodies to develop the vaccine. In other words, who has already been exposed and has imunities. This is an important step to getting people back to work, of course. If this isn't done, the second wave could be even more deadly, putting us all out there before it's done. A slowdown in the virus could only be because we're confined, and is just waiting for us to come back out again.

 

I tried to look for the news report online about California. This link is dated April 7, so is not the latest. https://www.nytimes.com/article/california-coronavirus.html 

 

Let's keep an eye on this. Nothing good can come until testing can be nationwide.

 

April 7 is also the date of the voting fiasco in Wisconsin. I'll report on Wisconsin deaths two weeks from then; we're not that bad right now.

Be the first to comment

Why Me and Why Zoom?

On Sunday son Adam set us up for a four way chat on Zoom. Because my kids are so spread out, it was a rare occasion where all of us could see and chat with each other. That very night came the news report that Zoom has cyber security issues. And all I could think was 'why me?'

 

Why does it seem that anything that I try, that I put all my best effort into, turns out wrong somehow? Why can't I ever simply have a success to enjoy?

 

Like the first time I ever directed a play – the Odd Couple. We were putting it on at Sandalwood, my husband's golf course, where we'd already had successful plays in spring and fall. This was our first winter performance, and we had a full house. Ten minutes into the play, all the power went out. Overloaded. The actors were brilliant. "Oscar, did you forget to pay the light bill?"

 

Meeting David Dortort and becoming an authorized Bonanza novelist was the biggest success of my life. But I met a lot of disdain from others who wondered – why her? When they organized a big party for David in 2009, I wasn't invited, although I was in California at the time and could have gone. Instead I went to see him on my own, and he wondered, too, why I wasn't invited. When Pernell Roberts (Adam) died in 2010, most knew he'd been suffering from cancer for two years. Not me. His death took me by complete surprise. But I've met a lot of great Bonanza fans, and this is still my best success -- meeting and working with David Dortort, a man I loved and admired.

 

When I moved to Madison in 2015 to work a full-time job so I could have stable health insurance for the first time in my life, I found publishers for three novels in a year and a half. All three of those are now unpublished. All three had found the wrong publisher. I've not had anything but even worse contracts ever since.

 

I've had nothing but bad jobs ever since leaving Easter Seals, too. But finally I snagged one I always wanted, working in a tax office (yeah, how about that for aspiration?). I loved working with the public, and so did these business owners, having people make in-person appointments rather than just dropping off their taxes. So what happens? A world-wide pandemic forces them to close the office to the public, thereby eliminating the need for me, making me a superfluous germ-spreader.

 

Even my children, who I love being mom to, all felt the need to move away, so now all I see is them in still or moving pictures. I was always so proud of the three of them, of seeing them interact together as they grew and when they were grown – my own Cartwright family. But unlike my cousin with her three children, I don't get the joy of seeing them every week or even once a month. It wasn't just that one of mine became disillusioned and moved away, like Adam Cartwright did. I lost all three.

 

I suppose it's because I'm a "mother-less" child. But maybe that's just another of those 'why me' events. 'Why me' is my karma, and life is something to learn to live with.

 

Like this morning -- with this article idea in my head as I got out of bed, I emptied the dishwasher and a glass bowl exploded all over me when I attempted to put it away. Yeah, this house is another 'why me?'

 

Have you had 'why me' moments, too? Feel free to share them in the comments below.

Be the first to comment